Ketchup

Ketchup
Pronunciation	[ʞ̺🩴øʭʌʬ]
Language family	Condimentic
Early form(s)	Syrup
Writing system	Latin, Ketchupian
Official status
Spoken in	Madlands
Regulated by	Suqi
Speaker
Exonym	Ketchupian
Technical information

Ketchup, natively spelled ĸ𰻞ɘʜup, is Suqi's first cursed conlang, and it's comin' to Nguhcraft, baby! Obviously spoken in the Madlands, the wacky language of Ketchup is imbued with chaos due to random, unrelated situational facts being crucial to understanding information; the requirement of intense cognition during phoneme placement; and shifty language when every case becomes taboo.

Ketchup originally comes from an alternate Earth called Ert. It is spoken by a human-adjacent species, still called humans, within the Ketchupian culture.

Phonology

Ketchupian phonology uses a variety of unnaturalistic, unusual, and phonetically complex articulations for no reason.

Consonants

	Quadripalpebral	Bilabial	Linguolabial	Bidental	Alveolar	Sublaminal	Palatal	Velar	Guttural	Pedal	Totalar
Nareal Fricative		m̥͋ m͋			ɲ͇̥͋				ɴ̥͋ᶣ ↓ɴ͋F
Fricative									ɦ̰
Ejective								ŋ̥͋ʼ	q𐞐ʼ\↓q𐞐ʼ
Implosive			𝼉̼ˡ
Click		(ᵏʘ͡ǀ͡ǂ)	ỽ				(ᵏʘ͡ǀ͡ǂ)	𐞥ʞ̺
Percussive	👀	ʬ		ʭ	≣	¡				🦶🩴
Summative											Ω

Exact Pronunciations

These are detailed instructions on how to pronounce each phoneme because Ketchup has a very atypical phonology.

IPA	Pronunciation
[m̥͋]	Voiceless bilabial nareal fricative
	The lips are closed while air is exhaled out of the nose with enough force to produce frication as it exits the nostrils, and the vocal folds are open and still.
[m͋]	Voiced bilabial nareal fricative
	The lips are closed while air is exhaled out of the nose with enough force to produce frication as it exits the nostrils, and the vocal folds vibrate.
[ɲ͇̥͋]	Voiceless anteriodorso-alveolar nareal fricative
	The center of top of the tongue is pressed against the alveolar ridge while air is exhaled out of the nose with enough force to produce frication as it exits the nostrils, and the vocal folds are open and still.
[ɴ̥͋ᶣ]	Voiceless labial-palatalized uvular nareal fricative
	The back of the top of the tongue is pressed against the uvula, the center of the top of the tongue is raised toward the hard palate, and the lips rounded while air is exhaled out of the nose with enough force to produce frication as it exits the nostrils, and the vocal folds are open and still.
[↓ɴ͋F]	Ingressive falsetto voiced uvular nareal fricative
	The back of the top of the tongue is pressed against the uvula, while air is inhaled into the nose with enough force to produce frication as it enters the nostrils, and the vocal folds are vibrating and in falsetto.
[ɦ̰]	Creaky-voiced arytenoidal fricative
	Simultaneous whisper and creaky voice articulation.
[ŋ̥͋ʼ]	Velar nareal fricative ejective
	The back of the top of the tongue is pressed against the velum while air is pushed out of the nose by the closed glottis with enough force to produce frication as it exits the nostrils.
[q𐞐ʼ\↓q𐞐ʼ]	Egressive-ingressive stuttered uvulopharyngeal affricated ejective
	The back of the top of the tongue presses the uvula against the pharyngeal wall, blocking off airflow, then air is pushed by the closed glottis with enough force to separate the uvular-pharyngeal closure partially open, letting only fricated air pass outward into the nose. This is then immediately repeated but with the closed glottis pulling in air the second time, and without regard for the completion of the first or second articulation.
[𝼉̼ˡ]	Voiceless lateralized subapical linguolabial implosive
	The underside of the tongue presses against the top lip, blocking off airflow, then air is sucked downward by the closed glottis with enough force to separate the lingual-labial and glottal closures with the center of the tongue remaining against the lip while the sides fall away, and the glottal opening involves no vibration.
[ᵏʘ͡ǀ͡ǂ]	Voiceless front-released velar-bilabial-dental-palatal click
	The lips close, the blade of the tongue presses against the top teeth, the center of the top of the tongue is pressed against the back of the alveolar ridge, and the back of the top of the tongue is pressed against the velum. The labial, lingual-dental, and lingual-palatal closures lower without separating, creating a vacuum, then release while retaining the lingual-velar closure, and the vocal folds are open and still.
[ỽ]	Sublingual linguolabial click
	The bottom lip retracts inward and the front of the tongue lowers and presses against the back of the bottom lip, fully blocking off the space underneath the tongue and creating a vacuum. Then, the tongue raises, releasing itself from the bottom lip.
[𐞥ʞ̺]	Voiceless front-released uvular-apicovelar click
	The tip of the tongue presses against the velum and the back of the top of the tongue presses against the uvula. The lingual-velar closure lowers without separating, creating a vacuum, then releases while retaining the lingual-uvular closure, and the vocal folds are open and still.
[👀]	Quadripalpebral percussive
	The top two eyelids and bottom two eyelids hit each other. In other words, a harsh blink.
[ʬ]	Bilabial percussive
	The bottom lip hits the top lip.
[ʭ]	Bidental percussive
	The bottom teeth hit the top teeth.
[≣]	Alveolar percussive
	The tip of the tongue hits the alveolar ridge.
[🦶🩴]	Calcealized pedal percussive
	The foot hits something while wearing a shoe.
[Ω]	Totalar summative
	Every sound of the human vocal tract simultaneously.

Vowels

Ketchup has 8 vowel inventories that can be used in three different ways.

The first usage is determining the grammaticosocial gender of a conversation. Specific combinations of the vowel inventories by the collective speakers in a conversation determine a specific gender for the conversation. The gender formed for the conversation determines how the speakers feel about having the conversation, which can impact their attitude and interactions with the other speakers. This also determines the grammatically correct way to refer to the conversation in the future. If speakers fail to collectively give a conversation one of the genders that exist, the conversation will be impossible to ever refer to again.

The second usage is similar, it determines the grammaticosocial gender of a word. It also involves determining gender by combining multiple vowel inventories, but it only occurs within the syllable(s) of that word and done solely by the speaker. Like the conversation gender, it determines the correct way to refer to that word's referent in the future and failure results in never being able to refer to that referent ever again.

The third usage i dont fucking remember because i have horrible memory

Linguistic Capabilities

idfk