Units of bullshit

Units of bullshit are exactly as the name implies. There are three units of bullshit, one per known measurement system.

Coldban Bullshit Metric

The Breel is a unit coined by Suwi of Coldba. It was created in the Bullshit Metric, or BSM, where the Breel measures bullshit, for the sake of accurate comparison. 0 Breels is completely legitimate, while 1 Breel represents "a lot of BS".

If someone claims that their claim has a negative number of Breels, then that is taken as a factual statement. However, negative Breels represent a higher number than any positive number, much like temperature. While -1 Breel > ∞ Breels, both are complete bullshit.

Bullshitologists are not expected to ever give a claim that does not claim its own Breel value a negative number of Breels, and should not verify such a number of Breels if so.

The Bullshit Ruler in Coldba is a symbol of the Bullshit Metric. However, with it currently not built, the only person who can verifiably determine the number of Breels something has is Suwi, who requires 5 Petrified Oak Slabs as payment for this service.

Adnaran Information-Dubitation Scale

The Adnaran Information–Dubitation Scale, or AIDS for short, does not have a distinct unit, but just refers to measurements as “AIDS x”, where x is a member of the extended real number line. Important information sources are rated with an AIDS score automatically or upon request to Adnar. The information is rated using Adnaran AI, the same one that is responsible for hiring the Adnar Diplomatic Femboy Army.

The higher the AIDS rating, the more bullshit the information contains in an exponential manner. The amount of bullshit is equal to ඞe^x, where x is the AIDS rating, e is the Euler’s number, equal to 10, and ඞ is a bullshit constant, whose value is equal to the amount of bullshit of an AIDS 0 rating (as in, ඞ = ඞe⁰). As exponential functions can never reach 0, all information contains some sort of bullshit no matter how little. The only theoretical way to reach absolutely zero bullshit is to obtain a rating of −∞ because lim_x→−∞ e^x = 0, but in practice, nobody will ever get close to AIDS –3 before being questioned for being first-hand involved in the news.

Given below are reference values of the AIDS scale.

AIDS scale reference values

AIDS rating	Reference event
AIDS 5.00	Equivalent to Level 3 (Major) Propaganda of the Hajdislant Propaganda Classification System
AIDS 4.00	The amount of bullshit in an average UŊ meeting
AIDS 0.00	An average Big Amogus’ prophetic dream

The statement below has been rated AIDS −0.7. For its profound lack of bullshit, this statement has been decorated in UnUŊ fashion.

The scale was initially described as "logarithmic, where 1 rating point indicates Euler's number e times as truthy as the previous." AIDS 0 was given to Big Amogus's prophecies, to which Astaryuu immediately gave the claim 2 Breels, but then realized that per mathematics, AIDS 0 corresponds to negative infinity Breels, at least if it was logarithmic as implied. Therefore, the rating was revised to -2¹⁰²⁴ Breels.

Adnar later clarified that the amount of bullshit is e^r where r is the rating. This is exponential, not logarithmic.

Madness Multiversal Stupid Scale

Just in case Coldba would take offense at another country using the scale before the ruler was complete, the Madness Multiverse Office of Society created an alternative, the Stupid Scale. The Stupid Scale uses the pale oak sapling (POS) as its unit, after the claims made in the greenification of Adnar, which were determined to be mostly stupid. While this is a stupidity scale, not a bullshit scale, the Madness Multiverse Office of Society says that bullshit is stupid, and so defined 1 pale oak sapling as equal to 39.3701 Breels. Because 39.3701 Breels is an absurd amount, ratings are usually given in centiPOS.

References