The Great Heist
The Great Heist, sometimes called Þunan Qumreá Heist (after the primary victim), was a series of events that took place in late March and early April of 2024. During this time, John Stamos and AstridoDorito, citizens of Pais Transanguino Ranitino, robbed several items from the states of Enkavak, Kozdenen, and, primarily, Þunan Qumreá. Some of the thefts would not be uncovered for a week or longer.
Phase 1
The first phase of the heist took place in March 2024. On March 31st, Namnak Xhesas of Enkavak noted the disappearence of a music disk with the track ‘Otherside’ from the National Bank of Enkavak. This was officially communicated the next day, at which Hilja remarked that she similarly suspected that 20 diamonds had been stolen from Þunan Ŋáce. While some still believed it to have been unintentional or a misremembering on the part of the two leaders, it nonetheless led to increased vigilance across the server, as valuable items were stashed into ender chests. While an active investigation was not yet ongoing, suspects included AstridoDorito, who was then new and had been walking around Muweweśáj, as well as Chronos, who was still getting settled in Hummland.
Phase 2
On the 7th of April, Hilja noticed another 25 diamonds had disappeared. When she walked out to Pais Transanguino Ranitino to investigate whether there was any evidence of foul play, she found the Shrine to the Sun in Fájaþáw deprived of its gold face, totalling 35 gold blocks. This theft was deemed especially notable as there was a publicly available gold farm no more than 100 blocks away from the robbed chests, indicated by a golden bridge which remained unaffected. In total, the following was determined to have been stolen from Þunan Qumreá:
- 25 diamonds
- 35 blocks of gold
- 1 coast armour trim
- 1 enchanted book of mending
- 1 diamond and 1 iron horse armour
- 1 calcite from a house in Fájáþáw
- 16 coal
In addition, Pleb of Kozdenen noted the disappearance of an unspecified amount of iron and coal.
While Hilja failed to find any of her items in the chests she could locate in Pais Transanguino Ranitino (which by this point was the primary suspect of the heist due to its location and silence on the matter), she called upon Ætérnal to investigate the theft.
The Investigation
Out of the gate, Hilja told Ætérnal she suspected that citizens of Pais Transanguino Ranitino were to blame. For the sake of completeness however, she tabulated the activity of everyone on the server during the roughly 36 hours since she had last seen the stolen goods. Ætérnal quickly found the culprit of the Sun Shrine defacing to be John Stamos. The theft had taken place mere hours after Hilja last saw the items. Finding the location of the items, however, proved to be more difficult.
The first items to be located were the gold blocks, which had been crafted into hundreds of golden carrots. After nearly 30 minutes of looking through logs, Ætérnal found the majority of the stash to have been hidden in the middle of an open field around -3860, 65, -799, what is now the border between the Þunan Qumreáń Colony of Miŋejácár and Coldba (Cuba), in the East Gweng Sea. The remainder of the items had been placed in all of the chests of Pais Transanguino Ranitino, in small amounts as to not attract suspicion. The diamonds had been crafted into armour and tools.
It was noted during the investigation that John Stamos‘ initial command history upon joining the server included ‘/gamemode creative’ and ‘/tps’. As far as the investigation could find, all thefts had been perpetrated by John Stamos, though AstridoDorito was found to have been placing torches around the stash. This was treated as enough evidence that they were complicit in the heist, and had likely been scouting for stash locations. No evidence could be found to indicate that La Ranita, the third citizen of Pais Transanguino Ranitino, was involved in the heist.
Aftermath
Both John Stamos and AstridoDorito were immediately banned from both the minecraft and discord servers, and all chests in the stash and within the borders of Pais Transanguino Ranitino were relocated to Þunan Ŋáce to allow for anyone who reported further missing items to retrieve them. La Ranita would never play on the server again.
Starting from the 8th of April 2024, ŋimp role or higher would be required to play on the server.
The Śácamþaśá words pátra rAtpa ‘thief’ and támaus srmota ‘to steal’ were developed from PTR and John Stamos respectively. In addition, Þunan Qumreá expanded its Pentatheist religion into Śácamþaśáń Hexatheism, integrating Ætérnal into its pantheon due to his service to the nation.
The remote location of the stash would inspire SeoReadeHenn to begin lobbying for a distant outpost for Þunan Qumreá, as to prevent this from ever happening again. This, alongside the adoption of Ætérnalism and later Charlottism would be the background for the discovery of El Dorado in Miŋejácár on the 20th of April, 2024.
After La Ranita neither played on the server nor talked on the discord for the remainder of the month of April, Þunan Qumreá formally seized the remainder of the chests still located in Þunan Ŋáce and declared war on Pais Transanguino Ranitino. The invasion had finished by the 30th of April, as the capital of the country was burnt and its station blown up, permanently destroying the Cenrail line connecting it to Moshas. The country would be annexed into Þunan Qumreá and the settlement would be renamed Pátran Niw wni nrAtpa, or ‘Thieves’ Den’ in Śácamþaśá. „This disgraceful gash across our country is cleansed at last”, Commander of the Armed Forces SeoReadeHenn proclaimed. Pátran Niw would remain under military occupation until the armed forces were relocated to Xarslasja to support the ruling government against Coup Sabah.